HOW TO FORM AJEBUTTER IN UYO.

In the Nigerian context, an ajebutter is someone whose parents are rich and doesn’t have to face the harsh living conditions of the ajepako -street kids. This set of people are given the kind of lifestyle we see in Hollywood movies, a better and comfortable life. This type of ajebutters fall under the category I call ‘ajebutters by birth.’ There are also ajebutters by chance, destiny and by forming. Because of the increasing demand of ajebutters in Uyo, we are going to look at how to become an ajebutter by forming. It is the easiest way to become an ajebo but terms and conditions apply! 
As an ajebo, you must always dress neat. In this part of Nigeria, you are as good as your dress. Try round neck T-shirts, jeans or chinos trousers. Don’t ever wear trousers made by local tailers, unless it’s the black ones you use in wearing suits. Make sure it’s fitted. Remeber to always stock in, even when you are wearing a round neck T-shirt and a pair of jean trouser. Also, don’t forget to always wear the Buhari kind of eye glass, it gives the impression that you are not a tout(I’m sure you don’t want to be called a “motor park tout,” like OBJ). Please, don’t forget to always carry a laptop bag. It doesn’t matter if there’s no laptop in it, you can put ludo inside but don’t ever open the bag!
Always use words like “mummy,” if you are a boy and if you are a girl, use “daddy.” I know, I wil explain. See, if you are a boy and you are always saying “my mummy,” they’ll call you ‘mummy’s boy’ and that is a good thing because in Uyo, every ‘mummy’s boy’ is an ajebo. The same applies for the girls. So if you are a girl, and you were supposed to hang out with some friends but you came late for the date, just answer “it’s my daddy, he didn’t want me to come,” when they ask you “what kept you late?” Their response will be “eiyah, daddy’s girl.” be happy, because they see you as an ajebo
As an ajebo, your palm ought to be very soft. You don’t want to give people the impression that you mix concretes for a living each time you give hand shakes while exchanging greetings. This is one major aspect of forming ajebo. When your palm is soft, the impression you give to the Uyo girl/boy is that you don’t engage in hard labour and if you don’t, then you must be from a rich family, hence, you be ajebo! So, make a little investment by buying some palm-softening creams, it will help your hustle.
While you are busy forming ajebutter and you probably hawk pure water for a living, you might want to avoid those areas where your friends live. But sometimes they can mistakenly see you in a traffick while you are doing your thing. They will call your name, ignore and pretend you didn’t hear. But sometimes, Nigerians are very ungrateful. A total stranger will call you “hey, person dey call you!” God forbid that this should happen to you. I hope you stick to the plan. Woe betide you if you fumble, because na your hands you go fall. I wish you goodluck(not Jonathan, please.)
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About chidi arua

I'm just the guy with love for writing.
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