My dear countrymen and women, I appreciate you all for coming out in large numbers to cast your votes for me. I’m deeply moved by the love you’ve all shown me, right from the campaign period to the election day. My compatriots, young and old, ran at our campaign vehicles shouting “change,” and this enthusiasm was displayed across the country. Nigerians, irrespective of tribe, religion and language, showered me with overwhelming love. It is my wish that this government will not disappoint you, and we will work hard to make you proud.
President Jonathan has been leading us for the past six years, and his administration has been characterised with ups and downs. For the sake of his personality as an elder stateman, I will only focus mostly on the positive achievements of his administration, and also warn you that I may not be as good as he is. It is imperative that we take a look at some of the areas I might try to copy him and those areas I might do something different.
We know that my soon-to-be predecesor is a gentleman with a forgiving heart. This quality prompted one of his aides, Mr. Okupe, to compare him with Jesus Christ. I don’t really blame Mr. Okupe for seeing Mr. Jonathan as Jesus because the forgiving spirit of Mr. Jonathan is out of this world. How do you explain his pardon for Alams? What about the soft landing he gave to Mrs. Oduah? My people, I may not have this kind of forgiving heart, but I promise you that I will try my best.
Jonathan revived our locomotive trains, and I know that Nigerians love those 16th century trains. I’m not promising to please every Nigerian, which is why I’m going to install high speed trains inorder to incure the wrath of the people. I envy your love for locomotive trains, but during my administration, you all have to keep up with the fast trains. Whatever I can do to incure your wrath is worth doing. I don’t want to be seen as the people’s leader, and being seen as the people’s leader means that you should please the people. The last thing I will do is to please you people. Considering my harsh military background, it’s wrong to make you all happy, and so the speed trains will be installed!
Some of you have decided to call me an “Islamist.” The last time I checked, I was not the one that banned ’50 Shades of Grey.’ But if you are all expecting me to allow you watch ’50 shades’ inorder to prove that I’m not a muslim fanatic, you all have failed! I’m not going to run a country where young people will be allowed to wallow in immorality and also kiss in the streets as if they are in South Africa. If you can’t take it, just relocate to another country. You can go to South Africa but you may become a victim of xenophobia, or you might end up being shot by an athlete, who might mistake you for an intruder. If you decide to go to America, you might be shot by a white officer, or a self-acclaimed vigilante, who is guarding his neighbourhood from black people. So, that means you are stuck here with me!
I may not be good at dancing, like Jonathan, who went dancing in Kano barely 24hours after 59 boys were killed by terrorists. For Jonathan, nothing can stop him from dancing. Not even the death of his compatriots could stop him, and you all loved him for that. Inorder to make you all love me, I have decided to improve my dancing skills. Amaechi has started teaching me how to dance shoki, and I think we are making progress. Did I mention that I’ve started listening to ‘GodWin?’ Yes, I like the song. I may not do it well like Ebele, but I’m trying my best.
Jonathan is a very generous man going by the money he allegedly shared to some Obas and Pastors. This is one quality I’m finding difficult to emeluate. You all know that I love austerity, and so it will be difficult for me to give such ‘homage‘ and ‘offerings.’ But sometimes, I may want to please you people by giving out a little. Anything for you.
Everyone has been celebrating my victory, including yahoo boyz. To them, it’s fun. For me, it will be fun when I decide to jail them all for 25 years each! It won’t actually be me, but the court of law. So, to yahoo boyz, enjoy while you still can, but let’s see who will laugh last!
Despite all these short comings of mine, I still believe that change means a lot for Nigerians. It may mean different things for different set of people.
It is a triumph for the people living in the slums of Yenagoa and Oloibiri, and the impoverished people in the village of Agoi-Ibami. It is a win for the disease-ravaged Nigerians in the huts of Chibok, the helpless aged men and women in villages of Okposi, and the physically handicapped but mentally alert in the caves of Bukuru. Those who now have hearts of expectations of true change that changes lives are the men and women from the hamlet of Ogoni whose rivers have been polluted, whose lands have been seized, and whose oil is stolen daily and proceeds locked up in the hands of strangers
that live miles away. Hope should go aglow for the men from the rustic regions of Bayelsa, the women from slumbering villages of Akwa Ibom, and the young men from the defiled and pillaged townships of Delta State. The young man who graduated with a First Class from the university, but has to work as a measly chauffeur to unlearned billionaire opportunists who are hooked up to some big goons in government needs a leg up from his government. The young men and women living in Mushin, with no hope for a better country. The young man whose friends and loved ones got trampled to death at the Abuja stadium in search of paltry jobs they had hoped would give them life may now believe that his time is now.
My dear people, this is the time for change.
God bless you, and God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria.
Muhammadu Okechukwu Okon Buhari. GCFR.
President – Elect.
Federal Republic of Nigeria.